A bunch of DICs. So, the Department of Immigration and Multicultural affairs – DIMA – is to become the Department of Immigration and Citizenship. Very apt for an incompetent and callous bunch of DICs.

Mapping out his future? Hot on the heels of our snippet on the sinking status of Member for Lindsay Jackie Kelly comes a sighting of sometime ALP federal candidate and National Union of Workers heavy Mark Ptolemy leaving a local Officeworks – carrying two freshly laminated large scale maps of the electorate.

Whither Amanda? My poor old boss. What will she do now? Her Senate term doesn’t expire until 30 June 2011, yet she’s considering her future. There was talk yesterday about a diplomatic job. Nauru? Christmas Island? Anywhere else in the South Pacific and she’d probably end up in a cannibal’s cookpot. She, herself, is a dab hand in the kitchen, though. A bloody good cook. She even has a commercial range in her home, nicknamed Tracey Island because of its resemblance to the Thunderbirds’ base. A commercial range in her kitchen, a Jack Sprat husband and dogs with the jewellery she’s had commissioned for them as a Christmas present. That’s all she needs for a career as a TV chef. One Fat Lady , anyone? Plus she also speaks Chinese. Pity it’s not Japanese. If it was, Iron Chef would have already been on the phone.

Behind closed doors. The Oz writes on Amanda Vanstone today: “In a press conference held to mark her departure from the federal ministry, she was asked about her best memory from her eight years in cabinet. Inspired, she launched into a tangled reminiscence that obviously meant a lot more to her than to her listeners. She referred to an incident in which she made ‘a complete fool’ of herself by using terminology that has a particular meaning when used by men.” But she had her wins. In the early days of the Howard Government, Vanstone was ruthlessly white anted by her junior minister, David Kemp, and his staff. One day in a full ministry meeting, Kemp was shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he had a go. Vanstone didn’t help his discomfort when she asked “Are you having a bad ball day, David?”.

Morris pulls a swiftie on Hillary. Dick Morris, long-time former aide to Bill Clinton, is soliciting funds to finance an expose – documentary film of Senator Hillary Clinton who announced last week her intention to run for president in 2008, according to the Right Bias website . Morris has sent a letter to Republican mailing lists this week asking for contributions of $25 to $100 to assist with his efforts. “If you liked how the Swift Boat Veterans turned the tide against John Kerry, you understand how a top Clinton aide can turn the tables and stop a Clinton style liberal from becoming the next president of the United States,” it reads. Of course, it might have something to do with how Hillary reacted when his dalliances with a lady of the night – receiving oral ministrations while on the phone to Bill – were revealed. Morris was out the door double quick.

Lookalike. A subscriber writes: “Have any other Crikey readers noticed the remarkable similarity between Rik Mayall as Alan B’Stard in the stage version of The New Statesman and the newly promoted Malcolm Turnbull? Could they possibly be related?”