Kevin Rudd might be ahead in the opinion polls, but he certainly isn’t getting God’s vote. Presuming, of course, that God acts in accordance with the dictates of wacky groups like the Salt Shakers and Danny Nalliah’s Catch The Fire Ministries.

Peter Stokes, the Grand Ayatollah of the Salt Shakers cult, has issued a fatwa calling on Christians to abandon Kevin Rudd as he will not be able to withstand the pressure of leading a “largely humanist, socialist Labor party made up largely of left wing unionists!!!” Sheik Stokes finds Rudd’s idea that “the starting point with Christianity is a theology of social justice” to be also problematic, especially if it doesn’t involve condemning homos-xuals.

Of course, all this arises from Rudd’s refusal to declare Jesus Christ to be the Son of God when asked by a journalist in late September. Rudd’s answer – that he is “a person who attends church regularly” – was just not good enough.

Rudd is not alone in facing the fury of charismatic fruitcakes who put doctrinal purity before broad policy. In the United States, Republican Presidential candidate Mitt Romney is facing opposition due to his membership of a church (the Latter Day Saints or Mormons) which many Southern Baptists and evangelican Christians regard as heresy.

John Howard and Peter Costello are much luckier … or should that read blessed? Regardless of their doctrinal preferences, the Libs have received special blessings from Danny Nalliah, who has called for a special service to thank God for all that marvellous rain that, as we all know, has completely replenished the irrigation water supplies of farmers across Australia.

I’m sure Mr Howard would love to participate in such a service after the rain fell and the drought was broken. Still, at least Peter Costello can be happy that Danny Nalliah is preparing God in readiness for Mr Costello’s imminent move to the Lodge.

Nalliah is no doubt expecting the dynamic Liberal duo “will fulfill God’s plan and purpose for our nation’s destiny and the future generations in this Great South Land of the Holy Spirit!” I’m not sure exactly what that means, but based on his record so far, I guess Nalliah will be expecting support for the following sensible policy agenda:

  • That leadership transition occur in accordance with the Divine commands which Nalliah receives in the same manner as the Prophet Samuel.
  • That Christian pastors be allowed to effectively promote domestic violence.
  • That Hindu, Buddhist and Masonic temples (not to mention mosques and bottle shops) be destroyed.
  • That the Christian Right should be allowed to take over Australian politics.

God help us!