Things seem to going along nicely.

In Western Australia the government has clawed its way through a crony-strewn corruption inquiry that seemed to implicate half the cabinet.

Now, thus rejuvenated, it is facing down an opposition led by a creep who can’t finish a meeting with advisors without either tweaking their underwear or dry humping the furniture.

In Tasmania the government seems to see its primary function as the delivery of aged eucalypt logs to the monopoly supplier of cardboard noodle boxes to the Koreans.

In Queensland appalling infrastructure planning has led to level 12 water restrictions in the wettest state in the federation and a health service apparently populated by suspected terrorists and subcontinental sociopaths.

South Australia? Whatever. Just as long as we keep the writers’ festival and the V8 supercars.

In New South Wales the premier is apparently convinced that he actually holds authority thanks to the divine right of kings, an impression long shared by his planning minister.

In Victoria everything should be fine as soon as the government finds a way for monetising the TV rights to gangland murder.

Honestly, we’re a model.