SomethingToDo2

After months of blood, sweat, tears and gratuitous product placement, the gastronomical juggernaut known as MasterChef is coming to an end.

Up to four million people are expected to tune in to Sunday night’s finale on Channel 10, so many that the Abbott versus Gillard pressure test — I mean election debate — had to be moved forward an hour to 6.30pm.

For while the pollies’ woeful slogans may be leaving a bad taste in our mouths, MasterChef certainly is not. From bogans to bankers, school kids to septuagenarians, it seems everyone has fallen in love with this culinary melodrama.

So if you’re planning to tune in on Sunday night, why not go the whole hog and make it a night to remember? Here is my recipe for a cravatalicious party.

Step one: plan your guest list carefully. Believe it or not, there are apparently some people out there who have managed to resist the charms of MasterChef. These people — like September 11 conspiracy theorists and halitosis sufferers — must be avoided at all costs. In-depth analysis of Adam’s dahl or Callum’s coq au vin will be ruined by the judgemental stares of the uninitiated.

Step two: add alcohol. It wouldn’t be a party without drinking games, so stock up on tequila, vodka, Baileys or any other shootable liquors. (For those under 18: remember drinking is, like, seriously illegal.)

Every time you notice product placement for Coles, Handee Ultra or Masterstock, take a shot. Same goes for the words “food journey”. And any time judge George Calombaris licks his knife or wipes sweat from his shiny head. If you are a political junkie as well as a foodie — and have a liver of steel — begin the drinking games with the great debate, taking a sip each time “moving forward” or “great big new tax” is mentioned. I can feel the hangover already.

Step three: cook something, dammit. While many viewers have been inspired to expand their culinary skills, others have simply been inspired to book a table at one of the celebrity judges’ restaurants.

Why not have everyone recreate their favourite dish from the show and bring it along? Or, for the seriously obsessed, create a meal that, through its combination of flavours, represents the sweet-and-sour notes of your own personality.

Step four: join in the Twitter conversation at #masterchef for some delicious punnilingus. Like this much retweeted effort from @mrdoman:

mrdoman: For god’s sake Callum, taking their lobster was just shellfish. #masterchef #badpuns

Come 7.30pm Monday, there will be a gaping hole in our TV schedule — nay, our lives — where MasterChef used to be. So have a fantastic finale and may food be the winner on the night.

The details: MasterChef, as if you didn’t already know, airs on Channel 10 this Sunday at 7.30pm. Right after the debate.