Senator Eric Abetz writes: 

Hello-uh, this uh Senidah Ericuh UhBetz here, very uh grateful to be given the uh uhppurtunity to uh say a few things to the uh Crikeyuh audience uh aboutuh free speech and uh free thought uh. Sadly uh this is uh under uttack these days uh from those who would uh constrain uh the Minister uh of the uh Crown and uh leader of the uh Senate from uh thinking uh out loud on a live TV cross about uh a disease that uh affects uh one in 12 uh women, and uh throwing doubt on the uh whole sciendiftic edddifissss that underuhpins modernuh medical treatment.I uh will be uh encouraging uh every uh branch of uh government and uh industry to uh adopt uh a similarly sceptical uh approach to the uh so-called settled so-called uh science.

From uh now on uh I am happy to say that the our uh minerals and uh energy departments will be employing a uh cadre of uh “young earth” geologists, who will search uh our wonderful 6000-year-old uh continent to find new mineral wealth using the uh Old Testament because uh no one uh saw the cooling of magma so-called uh 4 billion uh years ago so how would we uh know.

Here is uh one for the Greenies and Ferals. From today there will be uh no animal uh testing for uh medical purposes because what are the odds that Jesus would have uh made us all the same way and have you ever uh seen a fossil don’t answer that. Ha ha instead we will be testing on boat people and it will uh also be uh a job that uh young people can uh apply for as part of their uh 40 days and uh nights uh sorry uh jobs a month. Truly, the Lord provides.

Finally, because the uh science of cancer is uh so unsettled, I am also pleased uh to announce that for my uh next uh prostate exam I will uh going straight to the uh Roman uh Catholic uh Church, the experts uh in this uh trade. Although as far as uh the unemployed, poor, pensioners, students and many more this government is uh proving to be uh dab hands.

Heil- Hello. Goodbye,

Uh Eric