Yes, it’s that time of the week when all the Engels-bearded young men and women in shiny US tenpin bowling team shirts in offices from Northcote to Newtown, to that one street in Brisbane, gather round the chart above the Chemex to see who got what in the sweep … yes, it’s Peak Guardian Ratio Friday! People clutch their tickets in anticipation. Drum roll, on the giant Rebana Ubi drum we bought back from that village stay in Sarawak … the number is … 0.425

Yes, a return to form. Judges were particularly impressed by Kristina Keneally’s “We need urgent action to prevent deaths of women and children” for urging something no one could disagree with (“Plague bad”), Keith Stewart on getting real about games designed by something arghhh gamergate whut don’t care, and Eleanor Robertson for “Dear Manchild, if you want me to look after you it’s time to pay up“, a fine example of the “note-stuck-to-fridge-with-pineapple-magnet-run-as-oped” piece.

Rhiannon Lucy Cosslett’s “I understand why an intern would live in a tent” was included for being indistinguishable from a Comment Is Weird header. Nell Frizzell’s piece on leg-shaving as political act has not been included because it is well-written, but coming after a piece on bikini-buying as a political act, well, don’t push it.

The judges commented: “PGR did not hit the 0.5 mark due to the absence of Hadley Freeman, whose pieces rate automatic inclusion. See you in a fortnight!”