(Image: Private Media)

We are the Campions, my friend Vikki Campion has, for roughly a year and a half, been providing us with strange and largely unasked-for insights into the life she shares with actual Deputy Prime Minister Barnaby Joyce in the pages of The Daily Telegraph. Still, this one really does seem a stretch, with a column dedicated entirely to Joyce proposing, under the headline “On bended knees Barnaby asked me … I melted”.

We’ve pointed out before that it’s kind of strange that Campion is paid to write humanising portraits of a sitting (and scandal-prone) politician in a major publication — hopefully we’ve just seen its surreal peak.

Cop that We here at Crikey will not rest until the scourge of “funny” posts by police force social media accounts is fully stamped out. So over the weekend Triple J held its annual Hottest 100 poll, with the top spot going to The Wiggles’ cover of Tame Impala’s “Elephant” (incidentally, remember when it banned Taylor Swift from the poll for vague reasons around “troll voting” and, implicitly, her insufficient alternative credibility?)

Anyway, Queensland Police decided it would be fun to jump on this, tweeting that it had commenced investigations into “how The Wiggles created such a banger”.

Hey, good one, guys, but maybe you should investigate your internal discipline processes first?

How about Drew Anti-Chinese Communist Party activist Drew Pavlou has officially applied to register a political party with the Australian Electoral Commission. The Drew Pavlou Democratic Alliance. Pavlou came to prominence as a central figure in the culture war over China’s foreign influence. In case you thought that focus was going to be diluted by his run for office, the party comprises “Uyghur, Hong Kong and Tibetan candidates”.

Our favourite detail in the notice is finding out you can send any correspondence to the Drew Pavlou Democratic Alliance at Paradise Fruits Shop in Birkdale.

Healthy scepticism Western Australia shocked very few people when it announced that the date previously set for opening its closed border, February 5, was not going ahead. And apart from separated families, it won’t have upset many either. And perhaps Health Minister Amber Jane Sanderson is relying on WA’s isolation to help her get away with the following statement: “We have, in all but name, lockdowns over east. It’s essentially lockdown by default.”

That the eastern states are effectively in lockdown but unwilling to admit it would certainly come as news to attendees of Midsumma, the Australian Open, the Big Bash, the recent Ashes or just, you know, all those open bars and restaurants?

Corporate compassion Speaking of Midsumma, it turns out there is no law preventing companies from attempting to garner credit from slapping diversity rhetoric in front of their name, regardless of what they do. So Serco, whose role in detaining refugees means so much to the LGBTIQ community, we’re sure, is still partnered with Midsumma, announcing at the weekend that it was “proud to support the Festival and our LGBTQIA+ community”. Adding the hashtag “SercoAndProud”.

Out of the frying pan Always double check those scheduled emails, folks. The US grill company Weber has had to offer its “deepest apologies” to customers last week’s “recipe-of-the-week” email went out on the same day as US rocker Meat Loaf passed away. Guess which foodstuff they were suggesting Weber users toss on the barbie?