Cents and sensibility

RETURN TO SPENDER?

More than $11 billion would be slashed from our welfare spending (like Youth Allowance and JobSeeker) in the next four years if the Coalition wins the election, The Australian ($) reports, as Treasurer Josh Frydenberg declares the era of “crisis spending” would be over. He says 700,000 fewer people are on welfare since the peak of the pandemic, and the government is banking on unemployment falling to 3.75% in September — if their crystal ball is correct, that’ll be its lowest level since 1974, ABC continues.

So here’s what we know so far about today’s budget, as the Oz ($) summarises: along with a fuel excise cut and a one-off cash payment of around $250 for the vulnerable, we’d see $49.5 million for aged care worker training, $365 million to extend apprentice wage subsidies, $52 million for Lifeline, $10 billion for an east coast submarine base, $5.4 billion for the Hells Gates Dam, about $2 billion for a Moderna vaccine plant in Victoria, $4.3 billion to upgrade the Henderson naval shipyard in WA, $480 million to upgrade rural NBN fixed wireless services and $2.2 billion to support commercialisation of research. Check out The Age’s budget spend bar graph for more.

But Labor Leader Anthony Albanese says the Coalition is just throwing money around to seduce voters — it’s completely focused “on where Australia is on May 14 or May 21,” rather than in years to come, the broadcaster continues. Indeed just 15% of the Coalition’s $16 billion spending spree has been endorsed by statutory body Infrastructure Australia, Guardian Australia says, with most of the money poured into must-win marginal seats like Lindsay, Pearce, and Gilmore. In fact, almost 40% of NSW’s funding was allocated to one must-win electorate — Dobell, under Labor’s tenuous grasp of a 1% margin, the AFR reports. But Finance Minister Simon Birmingham pointed at new Victorian terminals in safe Labor seats, and faster rail on the Sunshine Coast in safe Liberal seats, in rebuking the faint pork barrelling accusations.

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LISMORE EVACUATION

Residents in parts of Lismore — still reeling from the flood disaster some weeks back — were ordered to evacuate by 10pm last night amid a life-threatening flash flooding risk on the sodden north coast, the SMH reports. The Bureau of Meteorology forecast heavy rain thunderstorms this morning, with up to 200mm of rain and winds up to 90km/h possible in areas like Lismore, plus Grafton, Coffs Harbour, Port Macquarie, Sawtell, and Dorrigo. Lismore councillor Elly Bird told the paper it “compounds the traumas” of February’s flooding. Already there are 1200 people in emergency accommodation in Lismore, the NSW Police commissioner told the ABC. Further south, the NSW SES has warned that Warragamba Dam — Sydney’s main water source — will spill though “minor” flood warnings are in place for surrounding areas.

It comes as a man has died and another is missing in south-east Queensland amid severe thunderstorms and heavy rain, the Brisbane Times reports, marking the 14th death in floods in the last six weeks. In Dalby, about 175km south of Brisbane, the major flood level of 3.5m was expected to be reached at Myall Creek last night, closing part of the Warrego Highway. Lifeline Queensland says “exhausted” flood victims mid-clean up from the last disaster are facing more. So why is this happening? Well, La Niña hanging around longer than normal is playing a big part, The New Daily reports.

ADELAIDE REACTION

Newly minted South Australian Premier Peter Malinauskas is taking aim at his predecessor’s “dud” GST deal costing $200 million a year, The Advertiser reports. The new Labor leader says South Australia needs to be “ruthless” in using their natural resources — naming the state’s hydrogen plant as a big opportunity. He says the state should take inspiration from neighbouring WA to enjoy what he called a “resource boom” like WA did in the 2000s. Malinauskas has also binned the $662 million city Riverbank Arena project, sending $80 million towards health needs instead. SA Labor have promised 300 more hospital beds and nurses, more than 100 doctors and 350 ambulance officers — it comes as up to 100 patients have been waiting in emergency departments for a bed, ABC reports.

Staying in South Australia, there is mystery surrounding One Nation’s likely candidate Sarah Game in the Legislative Council, ABC reports. She’ll probably win one of two remaining seats, the NT News continues, but the fringe party is so far refusing to let her do interviews. She doesn’t appear to have a digital footprint, nor is she featured in One Nation’s campaign material or website. The broadcaster says she was a vet but her workplace deleted her off the website after reporters reached out. Curious. But one thing is known — she comes from politics. Her mum is One Nation’s candidate for Mawson, and South Australian party leader Jennifer Game. Greens MLC Robert Simms warned that it was potentially dangerous for SA politics to have a representative that wasn’t even on the campaign trail.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

Folks, there’s no delicate way to say it — we’re seeing a lot of full-frontal men on our screens lately. The dangly bits have been showing up in Sex and the City reboot And Just Like That …, docu-drama Pam & Tommy, and teen drama Euphoria just to name a few. But more often than not, they’re prosthetic — just ask special effects artist, Matthew Mungle, who has made creating the faux-schlongs somewhat of a specialty. He counts Will Ferrell in Step Brothers (testicles only), Chris Hemsworth in Vacation, Little Britain USA, and Shameless among his credits. The first thing he asks when someone rings him for a male appendage? “Is it cut or not cut, what’s the length and girth, how large are the testicles, and how long are the pubic hairs?” he says. My stars.

So how does it work? Mungle says he airbrushes the top of the pubic hair, then glues something known as hair lace over the top. A bit of fabric over the testicles is pulled underneath and towards the buttocks, while a flange is actually glued to the actor’s skin. Yikes. He says with plasticising silicone he’s able to make the shaft as hard or soft as is required of the scene — “heroically stepping over the innuendo”, The Guardian adds. And Mungle does good work — Hemsworth was said to be so pleased with his mini-me that the staff on set placed it in a box and ceremoniously presented it to him when they wrapped filming. “Apparently, he was so proud of it, he had it on his mantle, right next to Thor’s hammer,” Mungle says. Hard to say which tool would be more valuable.

Wishing you a smile this Tuesday morning.

SAY WHAT?

This prime minister only holds a hose if it’s spraying borrowed money on the eve of an election. What that tells us is this: the budget won’t be a plan for the future, it’ll be a plan for Scott Morrison’s re-election.

Jim Chalmers

The opposition Treasury spokesperson says the spendathon is just a golden carrot to woo voters at the ballot, with an eyewatering $70 billion in extra spending promised by the Coalition since the mid-year budget update.

CRIKEY RECAP

Morrison’s response to Houston revelations shows more truths about the PM’s character — but where’s the media?

David Hardaker

Mar 28, 2022

38

Unlocked

“The commission heard that as an adult Sengstock was paid off by Frank Houston with the princely sum of $12,000 in a grubby deal overseen by a still-serving member of the Hillsong hierarchy in a meeting at a McDonald’s restaurant. Brian Houston’s role in the deal was aired at the hearings …

“In 2019, as we reported, a Hillsong employee was found guilty of indecently assaulting a young woman, Anna Crenshaw, who had attended Hillsong College as a visiting student from America. Despite these incidents, all on the public record, Morrison continued his public support for Houston.”

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Morrison, Dutton and Joyce are the Coalition’s toxic trio

John Utting

Mar 28, 2022

22

“Only Josh Frydenberg has any semblance of popular appeal. Why? One of the powerful and insightful techniques when assessing leaders in political research is to ask young mothers who they’d like their children to grow up to be like. The answer is clear: Scott [Morrison], Peter [Dutton], Barnaby [Joyce]? Hell no! Josh? Yes!

“Joyce is incredibly unpopular in mainstream metropolitan electorates. Many voters, particularly women, react in an almost viscerally negative way when his name is brought up. It is a toxic combination of his personal story, his extreme perceived policy positions — especially on climate — and his faux-bumpkin manner.”

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Murdoch hack-a-thon: phone-hacking scandal costs billions as court decision shines light on The Sun

Glenn Dyer

Mar 28, 2022

21

“The former revealed there is no end in sight to the bills coming in from the phone-hacking scandal at the News of the World and now The Sun — half a billion dollars alone in the three years to June 2021. The latter saw the family’s UK arm lose another attempt to end the mounting cost as a judge in Britain’s High Court sent the family-controlled US company packing.

“As a result of that court decision, News Corp and the Murdochs are exposed to a flood of new cases from people who claim they were hacked by journalists and others at The Sun. It was the first time a court confirmed what News has consistently denied — that phone hacking actually happened at The Sun.”

READ ALL ABOUT IT

Kim Jong Un pledges to build up North Korea’s attack capability (Al Jazeera)

When Nokia pulled out of Russia, a vast surveillance system remained (The New York Times)

Patriarch Kirill: Putin ally faces backlash after ‘blessing’ war (Al Jazeera)

Will Smith and Chris Rock have a history that predates the Oscars slap (CNN)

Israel-Arab ties ‘deter’ Iran, Israel FM tells landmark meeting (news.com.au)

Biden to announce ‘billionaire minimum income tax’ in budget plan (The Guardian)

Zelensky says Ukraine prepared to discuss neutrality in peace talks (BBC)

Oil tumbles 8% as the market faces a new concern (CNN)

Oscars 2022: Jane Campion makes history by winning Best Director (NZ Herald)

THE COMMENTARIAT

In perilous times, would we fight or flee? — Greg Sheridan (The Australian) ($): “A slim majority of Australians, if faced with a situation similar to that faced by Ukrainians, would not stay and fight for their country but would seek to flee overseas, according to a fascinating poll conducted by Compass Polling … Men say they would stay and fight, in much larger numbers than women. Women may well be thinking of the need to protect children and parents. Older folks, however, are much more likely to stay and fight than younger people. Under the age of 35, adult men are split almost 50-50 in fight versus flee. But in the 35 to 54 age group, 64% of men say they would stay and fight, and for men over 55 this rises to 68%.

“Cadet corps were once tremendously popular. They foster values of positive citizenship, responsibility, teamwork, discipline and love of country. These are all qualities in short supply today, which we desperately need. They are unpopular with many progressive educators and contradict the elite zeitgeist in many ways. But it seems popular wisdom retains an affection for the cadets. As I say, it’s astonishing that allegedly conservative governments have not run on issues like this, not as their central platform but as part of a whole view of life.”

Will Smith went low by slapping Chris Rock. In his attempt to justify it, he went even lower — Joseph Harker (The Guardian): “Some people have expressed concern at the damage caused by the sight of a Black man resorting to violence. I’m less worried about this. Smith is so mainstream that, in many people’s eyes, he’s almost become raceless. And I’ve never had much time for the notion of role models. At best, it’s just a meaningless cliche (the idea that, if we stick a Black person on a pedestal, every child will be inspired — no matter the obstacles placed in their way by a system rigged against them). At worst, it’s a stick to beat all Black people with (“Oh no! Look what he’s done! Now every Black child he inspired will turn into a criminal”).

“Either way, it makes every prominent Black person a permanent ambassador for their race … Whatever the history [with Chris Rock], Smith’s expletive-laden outburst, in a show broadcast to millions of homes across the world, shows a total lack of control on his part. It is also a complete contrast to the family image he and his wife have carefully curated for years … I’m sad that, at the pinnacle of his career, Smith has trashed his own reputation. I’m sadder still that, in their own moment of glory, he chose to taint the Williams family too.”

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE

WHAT’S ON TODAY

Kulin Nation Country (also known as Melbourne)

• British-Australian academic Kylie Moore-Gilbert will discuss her new memoir The Uncaged Sky, which recounts the 804 days she spent in an Iranian prison, at the Wheeler Centre. You can catch this one online.

Yuggera Country (also known as Brisbane)

• Author Anita Heiss will discuss her award-winning memoir Am I Black Enough for You at Avid Reader bookshop. You can catch this one online too.

Eora Nation Country (also known as Sydney)

• InnovationAus.com is hosting a Budget Insider 2022 live event, which it describes as part cocktail party and part industry forum, at Damn Good Productions.

Ngunnawal Country (also known as Canberra)

• Former secretary of the Department of Defence Dennis Richardson and Ambassador to Japan Shingo Yamagami will speak about alliances, nuclear weapons, and deterrence at the China in the World Lecture Auditorium.