(Image: Mitchell Squire/Private Media)

First, the image of an iceberg lettuce that cost $11.99 went viral. Then KFC announced it would be using a blend of lettuce and cabbage in its burgers due to supply issues across the country. The prices of vegetables are soaring right now. 

And look, there’s been a lot of focus on iceberg lettuce, but let’s be clear about this: iceberg is the worst of all the lettuces — nay, all the vegetables. And we’ve got more serious things to worry about. Broccoli! Beans! Silverbeet! Zucchini! (Zucchini! At $11 a kilo?!).

Why are vegetable prices skyrocketing?

A mixture of things is causing the price hike, but the main culprits are floods, war and a global pandemic. What a time to be alive.

The recent floods in northern NSW and Queensland ruined crops. And at this time of the year, this region, the Lockyer Valley, is where much of Victoria and NSW’s fresh produce comes from. On top of this, Russia’s invasion of Ukraine and lockdowns in China have created massive price hikes for farmers. Things like fuel and fertiliser have gone up, making vegetables more expensive to produce and transport. 

Of course, in some areas of remote Australia, staggering prices for groceries are the norm. Photos that were submitted to a parliamentary inquiry into food security and prices in Indigenous communities in 2020 showed a three-litre container of milk for $7.30, among other outrageous prices. But for most of country, paying this much for vegies is new — in fact, Michael Harvey, a senior analyst at Rabobank, told Guardian Australia that Australians had seen the highest price growth in 10 years.

How much are vegetables costing where you are?

We want to document this moment in time around the country. Take a photo of the most expensive vegetable at your local supermarket — or one where the price just really shocked you — and send it to us at boss@crikey.com.au with your name, the name of your town, and the supermarket.

And if you’re a savvy shopper or crafty in the kitchen, please send us any tips on obtaining cheaper vegies, or recipes for cooking with the produce that you can afford without the assistance of a loan shark.

Go on, lettuce see the jokes

If you can’t laugh, you’ll cry. So to stop the tears, here are a few of the best and worst jokes about these price hikes. 

In a classic example of law enforcement types trying to be funny but just coming off kind of weird, Queensland Police publicly punned about lettuce prices.

The “millennials are poor because they keep living it up” joke — one that will never die — reared its ugly head.

That would be way funnier if, you know, it didn’t hurt so much.

So what can you do?

First off, not all vegetables are quite so pricey. Coles chief operating officer Matt Swindells told Nine’s Today program that there are “other products across produce that are in abundance”, such as pumpkins, avocados (!), Asian greens such as bok choy and pak choi, carrots (ah, the good old carrot) and cauliflower.

Secondly, shop more local. While the rain and a colder-than-usual start to winter have affected produce across much of Australia, shopping at local farmers’ markets or subscribing to a locally-grown vegetable box might lighten the costs, depending on where you live.

Of course, not everyone is able to do that — so let’s gather those creative end-of-times food recipes at boss@crikey.com.au and help your fellow Crikey readers out!