(Image: Tom Red/Private Media)
(Image: Tom Red/Private Media)

With the sudden departures of Carrie Bickmore, Lisa Wilkinson and Peter Helliar, Channel Ten’s The Project is starting to look more like the battered remains of the British Conservative Party than a relevant, dynamic and occasionally popular news panel show. 

This makes Waleed Aly, as the last man standing, the Rishi Sunak of the piece, albeit with fewer billions or the awkward Star Wars obsession. 

While The Project’s lingering viewers come to grips with the exodus, the industry is buzzing with talk of replacements. So far, Ten appears to be playing it safe with well-respected Studio 10 host Sarah Harris set to join the team next year. 

Fair enough. But as Winston Churchill once said, “Never let a good crisis go to waste.” So channelling that Dunkirk spirit, Crikey satirist Tom Red has compiled a shortlist.

Kate McLennan and Kate McCartney: Get Krack!n stars

  • Pros: As chat-show ninjas par excellence, they would be completely comfortable with the modest ambitions and managed expectations that have made The Project what it is today.   
  • Cons: The Kates’ chummy “we-all-get-on-so-well, isn’t-being-on-TV-great” mask drops frequently.

Aunty Donna: absurdist comedy group

  • Pros: Adding the Aunty Donna trio would ensure a smooth transition from the old world to the new, particularly if the gifted performers appeared in character as Carrie, Peter and Lisa. 
  • Cons: Is The Project audience ready for a bearded Carrie, a surreal Lisa and a Peter who’s funny? 

Lee Lin Chin: former SBS newsreader, fashion icon and Eurovision expert

  • Pros: Intelligent, witty, savage, principled, stylish, magnetic and worldly.
  • Cons: Intelligent, witty, savage, principled, stylish, magnetic and worldly — Lee Lin Chin’s dazzling presence could make the “playfully competitive” Waleed feel a tad threatened.

Friendlyjordies: YouTuber / stand-up comedian

  • Pros: Friendlyjordies has a huge following of youngish fans and would create more click-driven controversy than Kanye West at a bar mitzvah.
  • Cons: Friendlyjordies fans would rather be caught having sex with ducks than watching free-to-air television.

Jackie O: Radio host / television presenter

  • Pros: After years on air with Kyle Sandilands, working anywhere else, with anyone else, would make Jackie an enthusiastic recruit. 
  • Cons: Her time with Kyle at Kiss FM may have left Jackie unable to cope with the occasional outbursts of self-awareness and civility that still haunt The Project, despite the best efforts of Ten management.

Agro: ’90s puppet and media personality

  • Pros: Easier on the eyes and ears than occasional guest Steve Price.
  • Cons: Unlike Price, we’d never be sure whose hands are manipulating him from below.