Following the sale of his Southern Highlands estate, the former king of talkback radio Alan Jones is auctioning off the property’s contents.
Before hundreds of his prized possessions go under the hammer next week, we asked Crikey staff to peruse the collection and pick their favourite items.
Julia Bergin, reporter: a shutter mirror in ‘shabby Chic finish’
I’ll be taking the shutter mirror in “shabby Chic finish”. The close-door function allows for only fleeting self-reflection. It seemed to serve its former owner well. I too would like to be treated to the great reveal of my own reflection on special occasions.
Estimate: $100-$150
John Buckley, reporter: 2006 Bentley Continental Flying Spur
For me, it would have to be the Spur. Once a mark of libertarian refinement and senseless luxury, the thing is no longer worth the characters used here to describe it. There is something funny, though, about picturing this Spur with a 2-inch lift kit and all-terrain wheels tumbling along the Carson River Track, trying to reinvent itself as Jones has, with a certitude only more misguided than that of its former owner.
Estimate: $70,000-$90,000
Gina Rushton, news editor: a timber gavel and block, length 25cm
I don’t need the (ageing but) dedicated audience as my witness but would still like to pass judgment, quickly, frequently and without much thought, as Jones does, in the privacy of my flat. I think the 25cm timber gavel and block is the perfect present for a woman (me) who wants to make adjudications on what’s for dessert, who should be eliminated on Love Island, and whether her partner’s outfit choices should be allowed out the door.
Estimate: $40-$60
Jude Prisk, subeditor: a large decorative emu, copper and twigs construction
This guy stands out as one of the few items that show taste. I mean, just look at his subtle colours! I think Jones acquired it because beside Old Man Emu he thought his pinks and puces and polka dots would make him a stand-out, little knowing that understatement shows class. (But it would also look stunning beside my copper giraffe.)
Estimate: $400-$600
Cam Wilson, associate editor: a group of men’s slip-on shoes, to include velvet Church’s slippers, Anthony Murato, Cuzzens, Ferracini, and dockers, approximately size 10
They say the best way to understand a man is to walk a mile in his shoes — and what a delightful walk it will be in this scrumptious set. Monsieur Jones’ assortment of colourful shoes ensures that the lucky buyer will stand out whether they’re editorialising in the studio, strutting around the rugby field or defending a defamation claim in court.
Estimate: $100-$200
Jack Callil, production editor: a height-adjustable timber and metal contemporary spot light
It’s hard to ignore the lustre of this gigantic mechanical cyclops, one I imagine Mr Jones had set up permanently beside his bed, its broad 32cm diameter face blasting him nightly with a garish beam of heat and light, a salve to the dawning realisation that his career was dwindling, circling the drain like a bit of clotted hair, as he would pretend that once again he was beneath the warm glow of the limelight.
Estimate: $200-$300
What was your favourite item from the collection? Let us know by writing to letters@crikey.com.au. Please include your full name to be considered for publication. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity.
all in the best possible taste
Why?
Why would anyone auction shoes? That’s the type of donation charities would appreciate, they always need shoes.
Perhaps it is to enable his detractors to ‘walk a mile in my shoes’ as the old saw has it.
Any Wingtips available?
Or, as Billy Connolly has it, you’re a mile away and you have his shoes.
An old Scots parable about how to catch the Devil (should one wish to…) is to leave a fine piece of footwear by the side of the road along which His Evilness is strolling and then a couple of hundred yards down the way its mate.
Wait with a Holy Water drenched net by the first shoe.
The greedy Host of Hell sees it and thinks “Just the one, pity.” and carries on.
Then His Baleful gaze alights on the 2nd shoe – admiringly he picks it up and hurries back to the previously disregarded where the net awaits and he is ensnared.
Lots Luck though Jones is more Beelzebub,Lord of the Annoying Flies that His Satanic Majesty – who would ransom him for a dollop of warm spit.
An old Scots parable about how to catch the Devil (should one wish to…) is to leave a fine piece of footwear by the side of the road along which His Evilness is ambling and then, a couple of hundred yards down the way, its mate.
Wait with a Holy Water drenched net by the first shoe.
The envious & greedy Host of Hell sees it and thinks “Just the one, pity.” and carries on.
Then His fell Gaze spies the 2nd shoe. He picks it up and hurries back to the one previously disregarded where the net awaits and he is ensnared.
Lots Luck though Jones is more Beelzebub, Lord of the Annoying Flies than His Satanic Majesty – who would not ransom him for a dollop of warm spit.
Ah, but these shoes are especially made for walking across the bodies of dole bludgers, animal rightists, ungrateful immigrants of a non-white hue, and anyone voting Labor.
Beware of buying a Jones item. They got big bids for Liberace’s piano, but could not sell the stool.
Perhaps because the Groom thereof was not part of the deal.
Is integrity listed?
Who would touch anything listed as “integrity”from his hands ?
Who knows where those hands have been?
Doing what, to whom?