A list of new terms suggested at the Climate & Energy Forum (Image: Supplied)

Greenhouse house gases are out and “goldilocks gases” are in, declared conservative activist Jeff Grimshaw at the 2023 Climate & Energy Forum last night.

“We’ve got to stop using their language because you lose half the argument when you use the enemy’s language,” he told a “600-strong” audience at Dee Why RSL, in Sydney’s Northern Beaches. (A Crikey head count put the number of humans closer to 200.)

Grimshaw was one in a long, three-hour line-up of speakers that included United Australia Party national director Craig Kelly, One Nation’s Mark Latham and Senator Malcolm Roberts (pre-recorded), several One Nation candidates for the upcoming NSW election and a series of experts on climate denialism.

Kelly was keen on unverified claims that scientific data is, was and will continue to be doctored by the left, right and centre (a presentation that came complete with memes, cartoons, graphs and original photography), while Roberts targeted the process of “peer-reviewed” research, controversial academic Peter Ridd declared abortion a bigger killer than nuclear disasters, and other speakers leaned into their own perplexing versions of “science”.

Grimshaw — a crowd favourite — set out on a “fact-checking” mission to clear the air on what’s no longer taught in schools. In short: things were concentrated in the realm of “lie” and “fraud”.

He spoke to a picture of a coal-fired power plant pumping out pollution, and falsely claimed it was “backlit to make the smoke look black and dirty and toxic”.

The reality? This is “the stuff that comes out of your kettle”. he said.

During another spot he appealed to the sporty sort with a stadium analogy to explain the Earth’s atmospheric makeup. Man-made CO2, he claimed, is akin to “one slightly overweight person” in a crowd of 100,000 people.

“If you believe that tubby here controls the entire global climate, you might be an idiot,” Grimshaw said.

Contrary to the reported (and verified) rise in global greenhouse gas emissions, the conservative activist declared the quantities of oxygen, carbon dioxide, and other key players on the periodic table fixed and fabulous. Given these gases “keep the temperature just right”, Grimshaw said that a name change from “greenhouse” to “goldilocks” not only checks out but is a matter of scientific principle.

The rationale? Any person who wants to halve the amount of carbon dioxide in the air — don’t do it, “we’d die” said a lady seated in front — is someone Grimshaw calls a “mass murderer on a scale of Stalin, Hitler, Mao put together times a million.”

So what else is being erased from the vernacular?

Fossil fuels are out, “organic fuel” is in. In news to all, “coal and gas are organic”.

As for “carbon reduction”, it must no longer leave your lips. Instead let “human reduction” roll off the tongue because, Grimshaw says, “you’re the carbon they want to reduce”.

Crikey certainly needed a bit of air after this event.

Have any other fake words that could cool down climate change language? Send your best to letters@crikey.com.au. Please include your full name to be considered for publication. We reserve the right to edit for length and clarity.