ABC, Monique Ryan and Crikey roasted at Canberra’s Midwinter Ball

The prime minister cracked jokes, the opposition leader tried to match him, and the ABC was blasted for letting go of Andrew Probyn as Canberra’s movers and shakers gathered for the capital’s night of nights: the Midwinter Ball. 

The theme for this year’s annual charity event was “Great Southern Land”. Hordes of parliamentarians and journalists swarmed the great hall at Parliament House in black tie, and were treated to performances from Mitch Tambo (including a cover of John Farnham’s “You’re the Voice”). 

While there were no corporate sponsors to protest this year, Victorian Labor Senator Jana Stewart, a Muthi Muthi and Wamba-Wamba woman, turned heads as she strode down the marble foyer’s steps in a gown decorated with the Uluru Statement from the Heart. 

Inside the ballroom, decorations followed the Australiana theme with lots of earthy colours and an image of Uluru projected behind the stage. While natural splendour was the backdrop, the comments on stage often turned to cold hard office politics. The ABC’s recent restructure and the redundancy of high-profile political editor Andrew Probyn were mentioned by virtually every speaker, including emcee and ABC satirist Mark Humphries. 

One speaker called the treatment of Probyn in restructuring the ABC’s Parliament House bureau a “disgrace”, while another used the outcome to joke about ABC coverage of the evening being broadcast on TikTok. Accepting his award for press gallery journalist of the year, Sydney Morning Herald and Age chief political correspondent David Crowe criticised the broadcaster’s move in off-the-cuff remarks, in which he focused on the need for experience in political journalism.

Throughout the speeches, eyes frequently turned to table 32, where the seating plan would have ABC managing director David Anderson and a gaggle of ABC talent, who were forced to face critics head-on. But they weren’t the only ones to bear the brunt of the evening’s jokes. 

Independent MP for Kooyong Monique Ryan smiled awkwardly at a suggestion that her staff might have been unable to make the evening, instead locked up in Ryan’s office pulling an all-nighter (a tablemate was heard shouting “Come on, it’s funny”). There was the expected Greens v Labor fracas on housing, which elicited boos and groans from the back-left corner of the room (where some Greens sat). 

Ex-deputy prime minister Michael McCormack was roasted several times for the incident in December where he was hospitalised in Micronesia for drinking too much kava, waving sheepishly when all heads turned to his table at the back. 

And then, of course, there were jokes made at the expense of Crikey, including a crack at Guy Rundle and quips about the Murdoch lawsuit. Crikey was referred to as a newsletter that readers only open half of the time (which one keen observer noted was actually a pretty good open rate). 

Guests feasted on the following menu: 

• Entree of either clean sea spencer gulf hiramasa kingfish with beetroots, finger lime and Kewpie mayonnaise, or vanella burrata with tomato tartare, basil, olives and Lirah Davidson plum vinaigrette 
• Main of either black Angus striploin, parmesan potato puree, red cabbage, zucchini, wattle seed zaatar, or Scottsdale pork belly with crackling, apple muntries, lemon aspen, and Tasmanian chickpea miso broth
• Dessert of lemon myrtle pavlova, passionfruit and curd, berries and kiwi sorbet.

To wash the food down, the journos and politicians were offered a choice between sparkling, white or red wine, and beer. 

Last year, Anthony Albanese’s media team told press gallery members they would not be allowed to film his remarks, unlike former prime minister Scott Morrison who allowed tape to roll in 2019. Historically, some speeches have been leaked — including one 2017 address by then-PM Malcolm Turnbull, whose less-than-flattering imitation of Donald Trump went viral. 

Crikey was told this year by event organisers the ball would follow the Chatham House Rule, which allows the media to only repeat limited information about the speeches.