(Image: Mitchell Squire/Private Media)

There is a piece from the famous September 11 2001 edition of satirical newspaper The Onion headlined “Not knowing what else to do, woman bakes American flag cake“, capturing a certain absurd poignancy that descends during historic moments. Of course the death of an elderly monarch is of a different magnitude to the horrors of 9/11, but we detect a similar “well, we have to do something” feeling in the following list of events that have been cancelled after Queen Elizabeth’s death.

Sport

Two weekends of Premier League fixtures have been cancelled. Oddly cricket, the posher of the mass sports in England, went ahead, with England and South Africa completing the third match of their Test series (having cancelled the second day of the match, which fell on the day she died).

Strikes

There was a lot of industrial action planned in the UK for September, and pretty much all of it will be postponed — rail and postal workers, the Royal College of Nurses, even employees of the Reach Newspaper group have suspended strike action or preparations for it.

Checkout beeps

It was initially report that the Morrisons supermarket chain had turned off the scanning beeps at its checkouts. This had been confirmed with The Times consumer affairs correspondent Andrew Ellson by a Morrisons spokesperson, only for it to “clarify” later that actually the beeps had only been turned down, which we can all agree is a far more normal and appropriate response.

Superfluous weather content

Oh, you want some fun weather facts while Her Majesty travels to her final resting place? Do you even hear yourself right now? The Met Offices — the UK’s equivalent of the Bureau of Meteorology — aren’t going to assuage your depraved cravings for non-operational content, posting on September 9: “We are saddened by the death of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II. Our thoughts are with her family and all those affected by this news. As a mark of respect during this time of national mourning we will only be posting daily forecasts and warnings.”

In a recurring theme, they then had to clarify that they were still going to fulfil the basic and important function:

Bike racks

In a turn of events that we’re sure would power a lively discussion on Mid Morning Matters‘ radio show, a notice was tied to the bike racks at Norwich City Hall that they were to be closed for the royal period of mourning. It was later “clarified” that this was to make way for floral tributes and not, say, an implication that cycling was unbecoming at this grave time.

The republican movement in Australia

While countries across the Commonwealth are using the death of the popular monarch as the time to discuss and plan for their liberation from foreign rule, the organisation with the task of leading that debate in this country, the Australian Republican Movement, has decided to wait until King Charles III is good and settled in: