Will we ever even get the AUKUS subs?

GETTING DEFENSIVE

We may never even get the AUKUS submarines, former PM Malcolm Turnbull writes for Guardian Australia, as the US would need to more than double its production of Virginia-class submarines to even have any to give us. Not only that, the US legislation says the subs can’t be sold to Australia unless the president (which could well be Donald “America first” Trump) says the Navy wouldn’t go without — and with the threat of China growing, the Turnbull says former Trump-era assistant secretary for defence Elbridge Colby is among those who say it’s unrealistic that the US will willingly deplete its own defensive assets for us. “Australia has no agency or leverage,” Turnbull says, noting the France deal Scott Morrison infamously bailed on (and Albanese didn’t resurrect) offered us the relevant IP and onshore construction in our favour.

Meanwhile, the Defence Department awarded a $4.9 million contract to a Melbourne company to deliver lasers that can track a drone moving at 100km/h and cut through steel, the ABC reports. AIM Defence says its Fractl:2 “directed energy” technology concentrates electromagnetic energy on a target, using light (a laser), or microwaves/radio waves. The lasers are portable, battery-operated and can shoot down 50 drones per charge, AIM’s founder said, adding that drones are our top threat on the battlefield. It comes as the UN Security Council has, for the first time, called for a ceasefire in Gaza during the month of Ramadan, AFP via news.com.au reports. The US abstained from the vote, and CNN says Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu cancelled a Washington trip for two of his top advisers.

IN YOUR EAR

Premiers met last night to ask Government Services Minister Bill Shorten to delay a draft law that would see a new disability system in the states and territories for children and others who may not need to join the National Disability Insurance Scheme (NDIS), the SMH reports. We need more consultation with stakeholders, the leaders said, because the foundational services in places like schools and childcare centres could affect as many as 2.5 million Australians. Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and the premiers agreed to it back in December, but the paper says they’re now worried that uncosted fiscal exposure could affect funding for other state-based services.

To another late-night meeting now — The Australian ($) says Climate and Energy Minister Chris Bowen with Transport Minister Catherine King will reveal tweaked fuel efficiency standards after Albanese intervened. Labor’s goal was a 60% reduction in average new car emissions by 2029, but powerful automotive stakeholders have been lobbying the PM hard — a mere 12 or so months out from the election. Meanwhile, GP Carolyn Beaumont, whose website (legally) prescribes vapes without a direct consultation, has received financial support from Phillip Morris International (PMI). It’s via a Knowledge-Action-Change (KAC) tobacco harm reduction scholarship, Guardian Australia reports, which gets funding from the Foundation for a Smoke-Free World — which is PMI-backed. Beaumont didn’t reveal any conflicts of interest when she spoke about vaping at the University of Melbourne’s medical student conference, a spokesperson said.

DOLLAR BILLS

Lindsay Fox-owned cash transport firm Armaguard has been offered an emergency funding package from banks, Coles, Woolworths, Wesfarmers and Australia Post to stop it from going under. But the AFR says it hasn’t accepted it (as of last night anyway). Last year Armaguard acquired its biggest competitor, Prosegur, but ran into heavy losses as the demand for cash dwindled. Banks and retailers have been working together on the problem under an authorisation from the Australian Competition and Consumer Commission amid fears short change could cause customers to fear their deposit safety, undermining our whole financial system.

Meanwhile, the ATO denied debt relief to vulnerable taxpayers during the robotics saga, Guardian Australia reports, including one person who was nearly homeless. It was “traumatising”, the inspector-general of taxation Karen Payne said, though thankfully the ombudsman stepped in, causing the tax office to offer him a refund instead. The tax office is chasing more than $15 billion in historical debts. It comes as the Australian Council of Trade Unions will call on the Fair Work Commission to raise the national minimum wage from $23.23 to $24.39 an hour this year and the full-time annual rate by $2,295 to $48,200, the AFR reports. It would mean ours was the second-highest in the world, second to Luxembourg. But Coles-brand cakes do cost $29 now, as news.com.au reports.

ON A LIGHTER NOTE

New Yorker Luke Epplin had been up all night in Manhattan, not drinking or dancing or vomiting in a gutter but chatting with his nervously excited wife after she went into labour. As dawn’s light filled the hospital room, Epplin’s eyes shut for what seemed like a mere moment, as he wrote on X (formerly Twitter). Next minute the room was filled with action — it was go time. He lept to his feet a little too fast and promptly fainted. Epplin woke up to a stretcher whisking him to the emergency room, blood pouring from a gash he’d copped when he’d hit his head on the way down. Six staples later, he was free to go — but where the heck was his wife? A nurse gave him directions, but he found himself in the bone marrow centre instead. “My wife is in labour!” he told a startled nurse, who eyed his bandaged head before calling security.

“My wife is in labour!” he repeated to the guard, who asked to see some discharge papers. But Epplin realised he had nothing on him: no ID, no visitor badge. I’m in trouble, he realised, as he was escorted out. Once the guard disappeared, Epplin dashed up to the valet. Where’s the maternity ward, he asked the guy, who pointed at a building. A stony security guard stood at the door — “my old nemesis” Epplin quipped — to whom he quickly relayed his story. After a quick phone call upstairs, and a fairly crazed mug shot for his visitor pass, Epplin arrived at the tenth floor. “Oh, you’re the guy everyone’s talking about,” one of the doctors remarked, before taking him to his wife in the final stages of her contractions. He’d made it. An hour later, he held little Ava in his arms. His head was bandaged in every photo — hopefully one day she’ll laugh at the story of her silly old dad, he said.

Thinking of my late Dad today, my 33rd birthday. Share some fatherly wisdom if you’d like — eelsworthy@crikey.com.au.

Hoping you feel your family’s love around you today too.

SAY WHAT?

This claim by the CSIRO that you can run a whole country on solar and wind is simply a lie. It is not true, they are telling lies.

Dick Smith

The businessman known for great crunchy peanut butter says the country’s preeminent climate scientists are wrong to say that Australia can run on renewables (considering we have enough wind and solar resources to power our country 500 times over). Smith says he plans to sue the ABC over a fact-check about it.

CRIKEY RECAP

AUKUS is a debacle, but the idiot protectionism of its critics is bizarre

BERNARD KEANE

“Nothing has changed in the fundamentally flawed nature of AUKUS. It remains the most expensive announceable in Australian political history, a stunt by a desperate Scott Morrison to wedge Labor that failed miserably, at a cost of what will become hundreds of billions of dollars.

“No rationale for these bespoke nuclear vessels — for which we are unlikely to ever have sufficient crews or maintenance workers — has ever been articulated beyond the equivalent of ‘China bad’. The unfortunate Marles, a man who’d be out of his depth in a rapidly drying puddle, has at no stage explained why Australia needs nuclear submarines.”

READ ALL ABOUT IT

Former Seven producer Taylor Auerbach takes swipe at ex-political staffer Bruce Lehrmann (THe SMH)

Senegal’s former PM Ba concedes defeat in presidential election (Al Jazeera)

Moscow attack: Russian court charges four men with act of terrorism (BBC)

Instagram is limiting the amount of political content you’ll see in your feed, angering users (CBC)

US, UK accuse China over cyberespionage that may have hit millions (Reuters)

‘Unimaginable’ situation in Gaza hospital: Aid groups (euronews)

Speaker of South African Parliament accused of taking $135,000 and a wig in bribes (The Guardian)

Trump can post smaller bond in civil fraud case, court rules (The New York Times) ($)

Boeing CEO Dave Calhoun to step down in wake of 737 Max struggles (The Wall Street Journal) ($)

THE COMMENTARIAT

ACT Greens Attorney-General Shane Rattenbury faces significant questions over his #MeToo crusade — Janet Albrechtsen (The Australian) ($): “Discontinuation of sexual ­assault cases is not done lightly. There is a lengthy and robust process before any such decision is made. A discontinuation may, by far, be the best course of action not merely for those wrongly ­accused of sexual assault, but also because it spares complainants possible humiliation as well as avoiding the burden on our courts, police, jurors and lawyers caused by weak cases that should never have been brought.

“Rattenbury is, of course, a member of the Greens, whose political base is full of activist-feminists who trumpet the ‘believe all women’ mantra and want much higher levels of prosecutions and convictions for ­sexual-assault cases. With ACT elections in ­October, no doubt Rattenbury will be mindful that many of his potential voters hate the discontinuation of sexual assault prosecutions. Whether he goes too far to keep his base happy is the question that the public deserves to have answered.”

Announcing Kate Middleton’s cancer diagnosis should have been simple. But the palace let it get out of hand — Victoria Fielding, Saira Ali (The Conversation): “While PR experts believe it is understandable and appropriate for Catherine and her family to have privacy during this time, more timely, direct and honest communication would have gone a long way to prevent relentless gossip. Once rumours and conspiracies gained momentum, the palace perhaps thought the less information provided, the better. However, silence during a crisis just fuels more speculation because the lack of information makes it look like there is something to hide.

“… The palace is now being criticised for complicating a situation that was relatively simple in retrospect. Many social media users are also upset Catherine took public blame for the photoshopping incident. Any organisation that deals with the media to maintain positive reputations, including the British monarchy, has no choice but to adapt to all kinds of media, including social media. The long-time practice of keeping calm and carrying on amid controversy and the 24-hour gossip cycle doesn’t work in the era of TikTok, X and YouTube.”

HOLD THE FRONT PAGE

WHAT’S ON TODAY

Kulin Nation Country (also known as Melbourne)

• Chinese-Australian composers Mindy Meng Wang 王萌 and Sui Zhen will talk about their work at The Wheeler Centre.

Eora Nation Country (also known as Sydney)

• Writer Anna Broinowski will talk about her new book, Datsun Angel, at Better Read Than Dead bookshop.

Yuggera and Turrbal Country (also known as Brisbane)

• Writers Graeme Simsion and Anne Buist will talk about their new book, The Glass House, at Avid Reader bookshop.

Ngunnawal Country (also known as Canberra)

• The Workplace Gender Equality Agency’s Mary Wooldridge will speak at the National Press Club.