(Image: Mitchell Squire/Private Media)

This week we’ve looked at several ways Scott Morrison could address the biggest weaknesses in his public perception and that of his government ahead of the election.

Of course, we don’t actually expect Morrison to abandon his News Corp bubble, embrace integrity or seriously attempt to lift the level of competence of his government — although we’ve tried to suggest there may actually be real political advantages in doing so.

But there are some other tactics that might also work for Morrison. Some of them have positives and some have negatives, but for the sake of completeness they should be on the agenda in a meeting somewhere in the PMO.

#1 Launch an all-out culture war. On religious freedom. On government interference. On militant trade unions. On critical race theory. On cultural Marxism. On the flag. On the Queen. It doesn’t really matter. Just work it out with News Corp and charge ahead and don’t stop until the polls close on a Saturday night in May.

Pros: Looks like you have some kind of agenda and basic beliefs; The Australian can run thousands of articles on even the most trivial issue.

Cons: Might start a culture war in your own ranks, like when the “Liberal moderates” jacked up about the religious discrimination bill.

#2 Forget traditional pork-barrelling — no one will give you any credit for it anyway. Instead, send $5000 in unmarked bills in a brown envelope to every voter in the country with a note saying “a little something from Scott and Josh — cheers!”

Pros: Would only cost $75 billion; would remind voters of the Coalition’s record of superior fiscal management.

Cons: Given current logistics challenges, we estimate most of this delivery will not be completed until July-Sept 2022. We regret any inconvenience. Load our app to track your deliveries!

#3 Overhaul the entire campaign strategy and rebadge every Liberal candidate as a “Modern Liberal Independent” and hope voters are confused enough to put them ahead of actual independents.

Pros: A lot of Liberal candidates are probably already planning to minimise any connection to the government anyway.

Cons: Actual efforts by “Liberal moderates” like Dave Sharma and Jason Falinski to portray themselves as capable of independent thought have looked laughably unconvincing.

#4 Warn regularly from now until polling day of an ALP plan to steal the election, insist on election night you’ve won by millions of votes, promise from a landscaping store car park to mount whatever legal challenges are required to overturn the result, urge hundreds of Young Liberals to storm Parliament House on the first sitting day of the new parliament.

Pros: News Corp will totally be up for that.
Cons: Unions already did it in 1996; would trash basic political conventions and democratic institutions.

#5 Announce you’re quitting because you’re not up to the job, you’ve given it your best shot but it’s just not working out, and you’re happy to make way for a successor whom you are confident will lead the party to victory.

Pros: Would win plaudits from the electorate for actually telling the truth; get to spend more time with the family; might actually work for the Liberals.

Cons: Might actually work for the Liberals.